Noona Love and Remembering Who We Are

The post I did yesterday was about venting. About getting my childish frustrations on paper, so they wouldn't be in my head anymore. I was a little overwhelmed by the response, though.

All these people messaged me. The outpouring of love was, well, almost embarrassing. Really great, but shocking. And suddenly, missing out on the actual get together is okay. I'm still envious, sad that I won't get to join the fun, but I'm suddenly not feeling left out anymore. Like it's okay, and I'll get to the next one.

Being a caregiver, regardless of what the issues are, takes away from YOU. The online girl time, talking about clothes, and politics, and life philosophies, about guys (husbands) and kids and friends and co-workers, that's all just for me. That IS me. Not me the Mom. Not me the caregiver, or me the wife, just me. The person. And missing out on one get together doesn't mean that has to stop. It did, for a while. Like missing this was just another example of me wanting to have a life of my own, and not getting it.

I don't have any friends here. I had one, several years ago, but her husband got moved to the city. I open my mouth, and people tend to look at me weird. I know that the things I say and do are not like those around me. I have never fit in. I don't like the music on the radio, the clothes in the store, the shows on TV. I don't take my kids to sports games, I don't have neighbourhood barbecues. My husband adores me, but often doesn't understand me.

The problem, in this town where fitting in is so very important, is that I am ahead of my time. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but guaranteed, if I like something, it will become huge in 2 to 3 years. Every time. With everything I become really interested in. And so, in a backwards town that thinks it's all that, I am the weirdo. And "I told you so" is really a hollow phrase.

My girls are in school. Finally. after 9+ years, it's time for me. And with the help of the few people who don't avoid me because I'm strange, I'm going to find MYSELF again.

PS To all the Noonas. LOVE YOU!!